| Obligitory Title |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|05:24 pm] |
Well, I found out not long ago that a relative of an acquaintance I know passed away. I realized shortly after hearing the news that I care more about other people's family (with the exclusion of my sister and her husband) then I do about my own. The family I have in Canada are almost abstract for me. When my own grandmother passed away, I did feel sad because I knew her when I lived in Canada. She passed away and was reunited with the grandfather I never knew (deceased before I was born). I'm concerned for the mother of the acquaintance, well and her whole family too. I had the pleasure of eating a thanksgiving dinner with both grandparents twice. They weren't rich in material wealth, but to see in the flesh and blood a couple who clearly were still in love with each other for so long it really left an impact. The gentleman was a relic of the true American Dream where people would work their way through life, to supply for one's family not only material needs, but provide emotional support when it was needed.
Even though I live with my sister, I can't talk to her the way I need to, the way a child would talk to a parent. I have so many questions, so much to do in life, but I don't even know where to start. I wish that I had family like that. My acquaintance's family isn't perfect, but dear Lord, I wish that I could at least for a moment get to have a family close to what they have. Anyway, I hope that their family is doing well and holding up. |
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| Alive, kicking, and screaming |
[Aug. 23rd, 2008|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Him, quick rehash of my life this year: had job, quit job due to nasty boss fondling me, unemployed bum for 3 months. Copious amounts of booze (wait no, I'm not manly enough) make that copious amounts of World of Warcraft, and still no downing of Black Temple or Sunwell. To the present, yay! I finally have another job again! It is fairly heavy on the physical labor aspect, but it's good to know my boss values my mind. I believe he eventually wants me to finish out my schooling so that he can have another specialist to expand his business.
Okay, I will say that this year my friends and family definately helped me out a significant amount emotionally and spiritually. I'm really happy that my bird Tycho has lived for six years, and I'm hoping to get at least another 6 years of um... a chattering, pooping alarm clock. Truly though, the little feathered fluff makes it easier to go on from day to day. This may sound horribly selfish, but I want another bird in my life. I want a little poop machine that will hobble, squawk, and do all the fun crazy things that birds do. I'm not married, I have no children, and I am able to love these animals without fear of being intentionally emotionally hurt. I've taken a gander online of various bird breeders throughout Maryland, so I'm in the process of doing my homework. When the time is right, I know I'll have another companion for myself and for Tycho. |
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| Not dead, I swear |
[Jun. 14th, 2008|06:39 pm] |
Oh yeah, digging up ye old journal. This would mark one of the very few weekends where I actually enjoyed a Saturday which didn't involve Azeroth or any other portion of World of Warcraft. I couldn't have asked for better company either. It was interesting trekking through the Annapolis Mall and going to a real book store (sorry, but I consider most of the local ones to be closet space). Like any good book store, they also sold caffeinated beverage in a smooth and cool caramel vice. There were definitely a lot of titles and authors I wish I could have picked up, but the reality of the dollar is indeed there. Did take in a movie (late to view it like always), Iron Man. Even though it had a huge sci-fi/ teenage dream quality, the part that struck me was the human part of the movie: the scenes grounded in reality. I won't dwell on that too much, but I'm very glad they didn't dwell on a villain such as The Mandarin. Oh yes, bad villains in movies like Bane (horrible Batman movie) or Galactus from the Silver Surfer/ Fantastic Four. After said movie, I hoped I would have had more time (at least to snoop out a hiking/ outdoors adventure store) so my friend and I stopped by a Fuddruckers burger place. I was pleasantly surprised by my heart attack on a bun. Best swiss cheese and mushroom burger I've had in quite some time.
All in all, I had good fun today. Part of me wished that there was more hours to a day. Luckily though, I count on future days being as enjoyable. It's amazing how good friends can warm the heart. |
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| Yet more proof that I have too much free time |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|10:07 am] |
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So yeah, I have a new job after getting fired from my old one (oh noes! not the shitty warehouse job with crap pay!). I call people and beg for blood. Most of the people are annoyed, and then there are those who genuinely want to help. Out of the blue, let's assume that we live in an Anne Rice novel. You may not want to give blood, but wouldn't you rather volunteer blood before the vampires got pissed and went to take it forcibly? Now, back in reality, we don't have blood sucking vampires. No, instead we have blood sucking politicians, and they would love to force people into mandatory blood collection. Hell, we've seen hurricane katrina and September 11, 2001. Any disaster like that could open up a channel for them to goad the public into mandatory health services. Anywho, I'm out for now until 830pm. |
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| Public Service Announcement |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|03:12 pm] |
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Please, please do not brag to me about "accomplishments" of any sort, be it virtual or real life if you have to cheat to get there. I am going to ROFL in your general direction. Also, if you want to steal a service because you can't budget worth shit, don't tell me about it. |
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| 70! |
[Jul. 29th, 2007|07:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
So yeah, I finally hit "end game" in World of Warcraft. Valourian is still a very much a work in progress. Poor bastard needs his flying mount and various attunement to such and such instances. He was a former member of The Corrupted, a guild which disbanded due to a lack of organization and a dwindling member list. As a member of Aquitas Veritas (Truth and Justice for those like me who don't know their Latin) I've had to overcome a lot of biases toward shamen. Luckily my old guild mates who transfered have been sticking up for me. I was able to run a good instance the other night where for once I wasn't forced to heal slave, and I made it in the top spot of damage dealt. Yup, and I didn't pull aggro off the tank either. Which astonished them *insert eye roll here*. I don't need an add on or mod to the game to tell me when to drop totems, when to stop spamming bolts, when to toss a heal to help the main healer, etc. I've stressed this to them many times, and now I'm glad a few at the top see that. No, my gear isn't the greatest, but that is an obstacle surmounted in time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2007|06:07 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Billy Joel -- "Piano Man" | ] |
I've been listening to "old" music on youtube recently. I happen to like Billy Joel's work. Listening to The Piano Man for the fourteenth billion time it hit me: am I the piano man, or am I the crowd in the bar? I seem to sit on the edge right now in my life. I have people who do admire me where I am, and somehow it is me who God uses to uplift other's spirits. Yet I feel that I am stuck: that I have nothing for myself. I don't believe that I will find happyness that most people do. I am shackled in place by my own inhibitions and unrealistic hopes. I don't think I'll be able to come free until I realize two very important things and accept them. I need to acknowledge that I have no parents, at least not what anyone would qualify to be called a parental figure. This has lead to a plethora of personality traits which cripples me socially. The want of being loved and cherished by people. A longing of normality. Issue number two: no matter how much good I can do in life, there will be those who I can never please or make happy. I am sick of those who would and have turned my darkest fears against me out of spite and hatred. The most I can ever truly hope for is mastery over myself. Even if I must stand alone, it is better to follow my beliefs and convictions then to concede and be truly miserable. Now to just dredge up this courage and hope... |
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| Oh no! Yahoo gave me a net std! |
[Jul. 15th, 2007|01:33 am] |
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Yes, there was a trojan tucked away on my PC in yahoo messenger. Took out a window's file, so I had to do a fresh install of Window's XP. Thank you all for your support and contributions to help me get back up to norm (at least with my computer >.> ). I lost some important information such as student aid and loan documentation and tax information, most of which I can contact the companies for copies. I also lost some sentimental things too, some of which I should have let go ages ago, and others which I will still miss. I had only one picture of my bird Penny. Sure, parakeets are only $20 at a pet store, that doesn't mean that people are incapable of attaching a level of love to them. Anyway, the real hero of the hour was an Indian call rep for Microsoft. |
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| A Jackass I am not |
[Jul. 2nd, 2007|03:32 pm] |
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A few of my friends and I have started doing some old school gaming, such as Starcraft. I'm sure everyone has a boast to RTS game victories, etc. It helps everyone to just take a moment to realize a few points. Most importantly, this is just a game. People play games with friends to have fun. This is a good website for brushing up on general game strategies. The author if this article goes on to talk about game economy and how to use it versus real live opponents. Watch some of the games where either I or the computer beat you, and think about how I applied some of these strategies to my advantage. I'm looking forward to our next fun and relaxing game. |
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| Avoiding the subject... |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|03:37 pm] |
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Oh yeah, wasting time on World of Warcraft. I've been playing the game for some time now, a few months after it was released. I have played tons of characters and never really gotten too close to end game content before on account of me creating too many alternate characters. That may be considered a fruitless time sink, but it taught me a lot about the mechanics in game on the various classes. The character I have become attached to and have actually devoted time to is my Draenei shaman, Valourian. Yes, the name borders along the lines of cheesy, but it is better then my old Tauren shaman's name of Beefman. The fruits of my time sink are at hand for me. In pve content I have only done a few raids, but I'm experienced in many 5 man instance runs. Since I am on a pvp server, I am fairly pleased with my capabilities. I'll update more as my character progresses into better gear and a higher honor kill count. |
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| Priestly secrets |
[May. 11th, 2007|01:54 pm] |
In my tinkering in the kitchen, I discovered the key to priestly celibacy. The sensation, the satisfaction, and the pure bliss of a good cheese against one's taste buds is unrivaled. Yes, eating cheese is on a totally different level of pleasure, but one has to stave off gluttony unless they fall prey to constipation. And the communal wine? Goes great with gouda cheese. When you're communing with the saints, angels, and the Almighty, having a good, quality cheese to help savour the moment is imperative.
These revelations came to me as I enjoyed a turkey melt wrap that I made: mmm... Swiss cheese. |
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| Product warning |
[May. 8th, 2007|02:48 pm] |
So, I've been trying to drink more tea recently. In an attempt to nudge that along, my sister bought this horrific Nestea product that attempts to be a tea (green tea to boot too) in carbonated flavored water. It felt like my mouth had been gang raped by that vile stuff. I'll stick with regular iced tea and brewed teas from now on.
In other news I don't have to work any more overtime this week. I don't think that will last for much longer seeing how we have a reduced work force. I should be planning better so I can be among that number and back in school by next year. |
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| scribbling take two |
[May. 6th, 2007|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
On hindsight, the name Jeff is just too damned tacky for a character. I think of some yokel when I hear that name. I'm changing his name to Jafar. In part, this reminds me of Sinbad the Seaman from One Thousand and One Nights. Imaging a middle eastern young man as the fisherman seems a little more fitting then a New England/ Norwegian person. Still keeping the dwarf, but if a better name comes to mind, I may change that character's name as well. As far as physical appearances go, both characters have dark, black hair. Raven's is a little more then shoulder length and tied back. Of course he has the standard dwarven stash and beard. Jafar's appearance is a contrast from the stout dwarf. Standing at six feet three inches the relatively slender man still has his boyish charm, with his trimmed straight hair a few inches in length.
"Lad, wake up."
Jafar stirred from his slumber unwillingly. His bloodshot eyes met with Raven's.
"I thought I had the hang of navigating, but it seems that we may be off course."
Fully conscious, Jafar rolled out of his hammock and went to the craft's small deck. Grabbing the charts and equipment he gazed at the stars. After a few moments, he confirmed that they were traveling in the right location.
"Raven, why do you think we're off course. Clearly, we are exactly where we want to be. Not even a day's journey to Barrimov's kingdom."
Raven placed his hand on Jafar's arm and with his other, pointed out across the vast sea.
"If we are so close, how come there isn't any land in sight?"
Picking up the spyglass to ease his companion Jafar set his sights across the waves. Even in the moonless night the darkness of landmass could be seen from the waters, or at least should have been visible. Body tensing, there was a twinge of panic and fear which seized both companions as they drifted across the water. Again and again, they rechecked their charts and their measurements with various tools.
"What form of trickery is this? Surely, my things have been tampered with!"
Sitting on the starboard railing, Jafar thought furtively trying to assess what was happening. Many times had he traveled to the numerous ports on the Isle which Lord Barrimov governed. His thoughts were broken as he felt a gentle bump against the hull.
With lantern and spear ready, Raven went to the side and prodded into the dark waters to discover what could be the cause.
"Lad, there appears to be a barrel here in the water, probably from a merchant ship. Why would they just dump their goods? Are there pirates abound in these waters?"
Mulling things over, Jafar replied, "No, these seas are safe of privateers and their kind. It just seems that sanity has forsaken this region though."
Unfolding his arms Jafar lit another lantern to help gaze into the waters. Straining his sight into the twilight, he happened to noticed more debris floating some distance away.
"Hoist our sail while I man the rudder, I want to further inspect whatever that could be", spoke Jafar as he motioned toward the near distance. Scrambling out of nervousness and curiosity, the duo carried out their tasks in a silence. As the craft slowed alongside the debris, Jafar struggled to shove the anchor overboard. The ensuing noise was an unwelcome one as the fluid parted and quickly surged back around the anchor. Drawing his spear into the waves, Raven prodded and suddenly went stiff.
"You louse, what bothers you now?" Jafar cajoled in a kidding manner in a vain attempt to lighten the atmosphere. Placing his hand on Raven's shoulder he gasped as the dwarf jumped back.
"Lad, look: there is a whole family in the water. All of them are dead." There was even more pause among the two as they mused over what they were witnessing. From the port side of the vessel came a quite unexpected voice which startled them: there was no other boat in the water that they noticed.
"Surface dwellers, a great travesty has befallen the men who dwelt above the waves close to here."
Grasping a cudgel, Jafar edged toward the side with the lantern extended far in one hand. Astonished even further, the mariner noted the most comeliest face that he ever witnessed. A Mermaid adorned in the finest of pearls and riches of the depths was swimming alongside his ship.
"W-what do you want with us? What is going on?" Stammered Jafar to the beauteous face that both caused him chills and desire.
"I am Lilith, an apprentice sorceress of my master Elbert in the undersea city of Juno. We merfolk noted a tremendous force of magic which sunk the isle nearby and ended the lives of many innocents. The Barrimov dynasty was kind to my people and kept secret the whereabouts of our domain. We fear much, and we seek the help of the surface dwellers to search for answers." Lilith's eyes drifted away from the two, obviously distraught.
"What do the merfolk have to fear from the surface world?" chimed in Raven, "Are ye not safe below the waves? Unless of course, there is trickery which originated below the waters to begin with?"
"We do not believe so, and much do we have to fear. Even the depths won't save us from the wrath of the evil which perpetrated this catastrophe," pleaded the mermaid.
"Lady, even we suffer from a plight. We came from a small village named Wighton, which was decimated by a warlord who swooped in to usurp the crown of the ill King Kareem," stated Raven. "Furthermore, we were hoping for a refuge with Lord Barrimov within his peaceable kingdom."
Jafar noted the concern in Lilith's dark eyes. He couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow as the fair toned face of the mermaid clearly showed her feelings.
"Perhaps we could assist one another?" input Jafar. "I remember the tales my mother spoke to me as a child of a leaf from the depths which the merfolk could bless so those who breath from the air could do so under the tides. Surely, you are training in the arts of magic, could you not perform this for us?"
Shook, Raven could not believe what he was hearing. Had the boy gone mad, he thought to himself.
"Lad, these are dire times, but think of what you ask of her. This is-- AH!"
Cut short, the dwarf found himself entangled in layers of vines which pulled him and Jafar into the waves. Panic struck, both men were flailing about as the mermaid tried to gain control.
"I didn't expect you tough, masculine figures to be so cowardly! Calm down, you will both fare more then fine. This is the only way I can take you back to Master Elbert... alive that is." Flashing them a smile, Lilith plunged beneath the surface trailing the petrified seamen with her into the gloomy depths. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2007|02:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | distressed | ] |
It sucks when you want someone there in your life, and yet you know you're no where on par with them at all. |
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| scribble goodness |
[May. 3rd, 2007|01:56 pm] |
In advance, I apologize for the lack of circumcising my post. I'm not that good with computers and the internets (except for porn... >.<). I recall when I was a more avid reader that I would think up and jot down stories. The following post is my boarish attempt at writing. Avert your eyes from the brutal raping of the English language.
The sleek keel of the boat furrowed through the cresting waves. Musing to himself while slumping Jeff guided the course of his tiny wooden spec bobbing along the blue. Marveling at the fluid melding of surf and sky the mariner's mind was still not at ease. Despite the weeks that passed behind him, the din of battle could not vacate his mind. The inhuman cries wailing across the air, the unharmonic tones as metal, wood, and skin collided. Closing his eyes Jeff recalled how simple his life was when he was just a fisherman. The town's girls dancing in the pub, the festivities which the illusionists made even more tantalizing; just the familiar faces of merchants and families who would make frequent visits. Inhaling deeply Jeff savoured the air around him.
"It's silly, I'll never get that life back. At the same time, I shouldn't be so selfish. After all, that monk taught me a little on herbs and healing through spells."
Still, regrets did clasp his heart. Despite the weather and pleasant ambiance around him he longed for a life which could never be reverted. From below the small deck emerged a tiny frame with a rather booming voice.
"Lad, are you still upset?" There was silence which passed, confirming the dwarf's concern.
"I know that this way of life is still new to you, but let me assure you that there is joy to be found if you look hard enough."
"Raven, I have a feeling you came up to do more then console me. You're rarely awake by this time, even though it is almost midday."
"Jeff, cast of your suspicions and cast that net of yours to fetch us some breakfast!"
Chuckling the mariner took to his feet and went for his tools. Raven had belonged to part of the town guard, and one of its last survivors. The choice to take him along seemed natural to Jeff. Both were hoping to start a new life on the Isles of Lord Barrimov. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2007|08:49 am] |
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Happy birthday, brother. I know that you can't read this. I can only pray that you're doing okay. We didn't always get along, but for the most part you were there for me during all the crazy shit we had to live through. I can only hope that by now you have realised that no matter how many muscles you have, it is your character and actions that make you a man. Maybe one day in our lifetimes we will meet again. For now, your little brother walks alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|05:41 pm] |
I'm glad I hold onto sentimental gifts that my friends give to me. Their insight helps me see who I am. Below is what a close friend to me wrote, something that I use to fortify my soul with.
Wandering in a storm
but staying true
holding back the pain within
Three shields
Against the sword of Despair;
Friendship, faith, and hope
A love that comforts
A belief that holds
And a dream that doesn't fade
wandering in a storm but staying true
leading others on their paths
Being a muse, a knight, a lover, a friend
Might the storm cease
And your heart beat in peace.
This was a gift to me for my eighteenth birthday. While I have not always stayed true to my character, this few lines help me know who I truly am at heart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|08:41 pm] |
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I came to the realization that I'm a shitty friend. I wonder if it is really "help" when I coerce, swindle, and lie my way into said help. There has to be a logical reason for people to shy away from me. I almost miss working so many hours as I did last year. I wish I could physically endure that so I could avoid realizing how lonely I am. I wish I could make the people I care about feel loved without them having to put up with me in person. The other day I got a hug, and I didn't know what to do. I found myself holding on to this person, not wanting to let them go. I have to question my motives for trying to lend people a hand. Am I really trying to selflessly help these people, or am I doing this for my own emotional wants? I didn't make solid plans, but I was intending to see people in Dover. I chose my own emotional gains over other people. |
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| Update |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|12:50 pm] |
Ah yes, looking back I see how much of a damned whiner I am. Yes, my back was severely inhibiting some of the things I could do. I did see a doctor on Monday, and I have a physical therapist to go to now. I heard news I didn't want to hear, and even a little bit of relief. No surgery for me, woot! Now what really hurts is that I better have health insurance for the rest of my life seeing as I'll have to be frequenting a chiropractor and physical therapist for life. Apparently my dosage of naproxen could potentially render my kidneys useless. At this point I almost don't care as long as I'm not spazzing out. I do think that Monday evening did me good though. Got to get out of the house and mingle with the public a bit, even if the car ride was a little rough on me.
Oh, I also put in for an office job at my work. I don't know when I'll hear back from them, but I am hoping sometime before my vacation next month. I can't even remember the damned title, but it's clerical work that seems easy enough. Wish me luck on that one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|05:21 pm] |
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I tried to go into work today, but my boss sent me home. He told me how good of a worker I am, etc. and that he couldn't stand to see me in pain. Even though he can be a hard ass at times, he isn't a heartless person. I'm pretty grateful that he's as understanding as he is. I don't want to, but when my sister gets home I'll see if she can take me into the ER. My arm is acting up on me again where it shoots pain down to my fingers and I have virtually little to no coordination. I found a chiropractor in the area that my insurance covers, but they were closed due to the ice. I just want to feel and be normal. It is even getting difficult for me to walk sometimes. I want to be well enough so I could do something as simple as lay on my side to sleep. This may seem silly, but I couldn't even hold my ex in my arms because of that. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers. |
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